loved 100%

After having my first son J, it was unimaginable to me that I'd be able to love another as much as I loved him -- 100% and with all my being. Two years and three months later, E was born and the impossible happened. I loved E 100% and with all my being from the very first moment I saw him. Not logical and not mathematically possible but I loved them each individually with all my heart. The presence of a new love did not in any way compromise, compete with, or take-away-from my love for the first. Then I began to long for and love baby A. She hadn't been conceived yet, but somehow I knew she was missing. I missed, and loved her already. 

Then she was born two years and 6 months after E. She took my breath away. I loved her so much, 100% and with all my being. Baby A spent one month in the hospital recovering from heart surgery after being born. I would bring the boys into the NICU with me and we'd sing softly to her. They loved her too. I tell them they can love her still. I do- 100% and with all my being. Like a child who's at school or on a long trip, I love her just the same even though she is not with me. 

I think of the story of the good shepherd who left his 99 sheep to find the one that was lost. If you have 99 sheep already, what use will one more be? Is recovering one even worth the energy it will take to recover it? Not if one sheep out of a herd of 100 is simply equal to a value of 1/100 or 1%. What is amazing about the good shepherd is that, one sheep out of 100 did not represent a mere negligible 1% loss to him. 

Jesus is our good shepherd. His love for humanity is not collective.  He loves us each individually, 100% and with all His being. 

So when I feel small and think ...  "how can God care about me or what happens to me specifically-- with everything else going on in the world-- not to mention, so many other people to look after " ... I remember the love God gave me for my children and I absolutely know it must be possible-- He loves me specifically and 100%-- and YOU TOO!   

picture: my husband EB's hand holding baby A's hand in the NICU September 2006